
by Jayme Richards
When I resumed my college education at age 44, I knew some things would be different. I was now the mother of two, worked a full-time job, assisted with the care of my elderly mother, and had all the responsibilities of adult life – including a mortgage and a minivan.
The demands on my time and resources were already enormous, but I knew this was the right stage in my life to pursue my education. Here’s how I’m getting it done:
- Schedule everything! Your life is not just work and classes, it also must include time dedicated to both school and family. I block out time for all my assignments, including reading, research, and writing. I camp out at the library or a coffee shop to work on school tasks far away from the distractions competing for my attention at home. It’s easy for “studying” to get away from you when there is no dedicated time on your calendar, so plan and honor that time like it’s a second job.
- The older your kids are, the more they can take on. Giving them independent tasks to complete makes them feel capable and confident. Chores can help children develop responsibility, self-esteem, and the ability to manage time and balance work with play. It was time to hang up my hat as household manager, and relying on my kids for help has fostered a sense of belonging within the family and contributed to a greater understanding of their role in the household. They’re excited and proud have a part in my success!
- Don’t forget your parents. My mom is retired, widowed, and lives alone, so I designate a time to visit weekly to help her with shopping and housekeeping. I make sure to schedule social activities for us to do together well in advance. This may include tickets to a community theater or film festival, a quilting or crafting class, or just dinner out. Dedicating time to her each week improves her quality of life, keeps our relationship solid, and allows me to set boundaries around my time.
- Speaking of setting boundaries: it’s okay to say “no.” You don’t need to be on every committee at your kid’s school, attend every practice or rehearsal, or agree to contribute to every potluck. Prioritize the most important activities, and let the rest go. As your family witnesses your pursuit of education, you’re giving hands-on lessons in persistence, dedication, collaboration, and time management – all of which are more important skills than people-pleasing.
- Cook once, eat all week! (And yes, kids should help with this too.) Designate an afternoon for grocery shopping and meal preparation on the weekend. I’ll make big batches of staples that we can heat up for dinners, cut up all the produce and prep snacks, and pack up my lunches for the week. It saves me time and money, and prevents every mom’s favorite 5pm question: “What’s for dinner?”
- It takes a village! Identify your community and ask for help. This might look like befriending neighbors or other parents so you can share carpool duty, hiring a sitter or nanny once a week, or letting grandparents, aunts, and uncles pitch in with occasional childcare or a hot meal. Let your employer or supervisor know what you’re working towards and ask for flexible work hours to accommodate your class schedule. When you clue people in on the responsibilities you’re juggling, they’re often eager to help – you just have to ask!
I was nervous about taking on college in my 40s, but I was also tired of putting my goals last. There will never be a “perfect” time when all the stars align. There will always be reasons to put it off and doubt your ability to do it all, but the time is going to pass regardless. You owe it to yourself to go after your educational goals – which sets an amazing example for anyone you serve in a caregiving role!